Letting Go of Anger – Realising Your Peace Within

Letting go of anger can be one of the most profound and “enlightening” things to happen and “awaken” to, allowing your natural peace within to be realised.

This may sound quite obvious but we do require a certain amount of awareness to be able to see when anger arises in order for us to let go of it.

We see life through the eyes of the beholder…literally. There are numerous studies on how, just physically through our eyesight, we only see what we want or what we are focused on. Can you imagine then, living a life constantly being angry

I know all to well what it is like to live with anger but sometimes you don’t even realise you are carrying this anger

There is nothing “wrong” with experiencing anger, as with our other emotions we experience and there is an appropriate time for it – not often though I might add. But when anger becomes a habitual reaction or a tool we may think will solve our problems, then it is time to step back and become aware.

Realising my anger was definitely a major “penny dropping” moment. Becoming aware of anger can truly start to pave a way to seeing life literally in a different light and allowing our peace, that which is our natural state within, to be realised.

Anger however, can lie masked and hidden behind many emotions, feelings and situations in life.

How long, I realised I had lived parts of life with so much anger and wasted so much energy, as anger is truly an energy waster and such a burden.

I believe anger to be a major “stumbling block” if I can call it that and pivotal to many of our sufferings and not allowing us to flourish. We all have stories which we have identified with, that cause our “different” states of anger but if we can firstly be aware when it arises and ask, “why”, then that is already a major step in letting it go.

As stated in other posts, there is always a lesson in pain, which is the universal indicator to change or awaken to a circumstance.
That goes for both the “physical” and “spiritual” aspects. So, embrace pain for what it offers in the way of learning.

Where Does Anger Come From?

What a question…

What is anger but defensiveness and a reaction to Fear. It is no wonder that anger is such an underlying emotion that keeps us bound as apposed to being free – that which we already are.

I have spoken a little on fear in my other post which can link well with this one:  Finding Peace Through Letting Go – Non Clinging, Non Striving & Balance

We can truly fear so much and recognising fear for what it is in terms of being another “object” in the world to be aware of, is sometimes all that is needed.

Fear(anger) links to the ego – “our story”, “our past”, the “I” and “me” we always feel we have to defend and bolster.
The ego makes us think we are lacking and small(see previous link to post). That, which is actually small and non existent really. Fear and our ego are illusions against the backdrop against who we truly are – inherent love, light, peace and abundance.

Through practising awareness, meditation and mindlfuness and realising “who we are”, we can start to see this.  I will write a specific post on the Ego.

We are or can be angry(fearful) at times if not very often. Outrightly at “injustice”; things not going as we want it; what society dictates; life; death; people; even the weather; having to work, not enough money, etc etc.
Basically, nothing ever really going “our” way and never feeling satisfied. I am generalising but at one point or another, we have all felt this.

And these feelings if you examine them are all based in either the past or the future – striving or clinging(as per link to above post) and not being in the present moment.

Anger is a great “pointer” to when we are feeling fear.
As I have stated in my other post and above, I believe this fear is a deep spiritual lacking we may feel. Feeling anger however can allow us to stop, recenter and remember that we are life, peace & love as we were created by God with abundance, accessible in the present moment.

Let me not lose anyone with the above comment and carry on with how letting go of anger can pave the way to seeing life more clearly and peacefully.

Recognising Anger

A quote that has stuck with me, is one from Eckart Tolle, “You are never upset for the reason you think.”  So so true and a great quote to remember. This is exactly the “kick the dog” scenario because we are having a “bad” day.

Anger can lie hidden behind emotions and feelings such as impatience, anxiety, striving, apathy, procrastination, stress, impatience, etc and sometimes very subtly – towards your spouse, boss or employees, children etc. As mentioned before, sometimes anger can be justified but very few times.  Just investigate these feelings to uncover what is really going on.

Your body will signal when you are angry, in fact your body is your communicator for your emotions. Recognising them for exactly what they are can sometimes be difficult however. When I am angry, I can almost feel my body “grinding” inside and complete resistance. Anger can drain your energy too, so just be aware of that.

This apposed to when we are feeling love & peace and living in the present. We have an almost light, “harmonious” feeling in both body and mind.

And what is anger really but directed at yourself and projected out to the world..?
Bear with me…
If you were truly enlightened, content and knew you already had everything(material things being a complete illusion) and loved yourself and others what would you need to be angry about..? We do have this but that is for another post…

Having said that, we are human and we are living and learning, so no need to be angry at being angry. We need to just be aware.

Have you realised the commentary going on in your mind about yourself and the world and maybe how you are not good enough, or should have done this, or done that?
Give it some real thought…
This is the basis for anger towards others and the world – again, very subtle but it is there. Again, don’t fixate but just be aware.

What will Anger Achieve?

As mentioned before, there is a place for anger but few and far between.

We think being angry will get us somewhere. Anger is resistance and resistance does not gain anything ultimately.

Or, we think being angry will change someones mind and we will have “our way”, which is either conscious or subconscious. You can never change some ones mind, period. It might seem it at the time but unless some one has made the decision for themselves, then no one else will make it for them.

We do not need to show or experience anger in order to show “our worth” or to not be taken advantage of.  In fact this could become a “stumbling block” and work the other way as we now start to feel and look imbalanced and quite emotional and anger will “cloud” our judgement, throwing you off your “seat of awareness”.

Anger is not great for your body either.
Disease is anger directed inwards. I am not going to go in-depth here nor comment on the role of genes and their bearing but I will say there is more to our minds, body and spirit and how we can heal ourselves than we realise. “Science” today is showing connections between thoughts and the nervous system and how it has a bearing on our immune system.

Action Plan
  • The opposite to Fear(Anger) is Love. Be kind to yourself, love yourself and ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ Matthew 22:39
    Anger is defensiveness(weakness) and separates us whereas Love is all encompassing(strength).
  • Practice being aware of your thoughts and emotions through mediation and mindfulness. Once you can “see” and feel when anger arises, this is true awakening. Not necessarily needing to change anything but more a case of being aware and present with yourself in a non-judging way. Naturally through non-resistance, non-judging and awareness we can understand and let it pass and ultimately let it go.
  • Having said the above, our power is in choice and we have the choice to let go of anger once we are aware of it. We do not need to carry it. It has no relevance or benefits.
    I remember rushing to get things done and being so absolutely stressed but mainly because I was angry. Letting go of anger allowed me to still get things done at a relative pace but with more peace, positive energy and happiness.

    But however painful our experiences may be, they are just painful experiences until we add the response of hatred or aversion. Only then does suffering arise
    . –Jack Kornfield

I believe we and the “world” can burden ourselves so much and so unnecessarily and this quote from the Bible seems to resonate:

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble of heart; and you will find rest. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
—Matthew 11:25-30

Here is a great link to a post on “Dealing With Anger” I came across which highlights many points I have made with a little more “Science” based knowledge and some “action plans” too:
http://www.okbar.org/members/BarJournal/archive2017/MarchArchive2017/OBJ8808Stockwell.aspx

Note: I hope this has been informative, approachable and uplifting.
Please don’t overthink any if this information but rather letting it “sow a seed” and allowing awareness and awakening to take place.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Enjoy & Be kind to yourself.

 

 

 

 

Finding Peace Through Letting Go-Non Clinging, Non Striving & Balance

I thought it applicable to write the first post for “A Conscious Time” on the subject of letting go and related to this – non clingingnon striving & balance. 

These are all connected and knowing when to let go or to fully let go, I believe to be one of the greatest lessons to be learnt and awaken to, as it underpins what you are letting go of, to what and why…

We are talking about “letting go” as a general principle and how it can be applied to almost anything in life – besides maybe pulling someone up a cliff with a rope, then that would not be advisable but I think you know what I mean.

Letting go can be such a subtle principle but such a beautiful principle that can lead to so many treasures, including “success”(can be intangible and hard to see sometimes)but most importantly peace of mind, which ultimately effects everything in life. It is not an easy lesson to learn but it does not need to be difficult either. It’s a lesson that I personally and “my character” or ego rather, seem to wrestle with from time to time.

The reason why I thought it applicable to write the first post centred around “letting go”, is because I actually found myself sitting down thinking about what the first post should be and realised – I have spent a weeks worth of holiday with my family, being “stressed” and in essence clinging and striving – a perfect start and reminder I think, to let go

During this time, I found myself having thoughts(internal running commentary)of, “not where I want to be”, with regards to work and life and wanting to accomplish a lot while at home with my wife and 19 month old son. I(my wife included – amazing how we effect each other)began slipping out of presence and became anxious trying to fit in all business ideas, hobbies and family time.

Despite all the awareness we can learn, it can be easy to slip into worldly accomplishments – striving and clinging and in essence, slipping out of balancebalance being the absolute key.

As Michael A. Singer put it in his book called, The Untethered Soul“The Way is in the middle because that’s the place where the energies are balanced.” 

He uses the analogy of a pendulum and how it comes to rest in the middle, where balanced, unlimited energy can be found and how you cannot sustain unbalanced energies at the extremes for too long.

Experience and practice this and you will know what he is talking about – the way – Dao de Jing.

Such a great and poignant analogy, which links to how we strive and cling, causing us to fall out of balance, as apposed to being present and fulfilled in the moment.

Why We Strive & Cling

Before I go on, yes we are human and therefore subject to our “mammalian” or “human” and physical aspects of living, e.g  fight or flight mechanisms. But we are called to more(mind & spirit) than this and there is more than just “meets the eye”.

Fear is the root cause for striving and clinging – all suffering really.

The feeling of “lacking”, which stems from a deeply spiritual level, effects how we live life and we then project these fears onto the physical world.
We then try to make up for it in material things, which drives us to feel we need to fulfil ourselves – wanting more and more, sometimes leading to power-hungry, never quite feeling satisfied and ever searching for the next thing to fulfil us.

Other fears which link to this perceived feeling of lacking, range from “failure”, which link to “baggages” we identify with. Trying to provide and keeping up with what society dictates is another example; maintaining that status or “good feeling”(clinging)etc. The list can go on and on.

We either strive to fulfil that which we perceive we lack, or we cling to that which we perceive makes us feel good. This we do by “labelling” what we think benefits us or does not, i.e good and bad which can be very subjective. Both striving and clinging keep us bound and never actually allowing us to be free and present, where true peace and true “power”(if I can call it that), resides.

Letting Go of Striving & Clinging

We really do not need to strive or cling to anything. The balance is found in acknowledging your goals/dreams/plans/ambitions/wants/needs etc and then…letting them go.

Why?

When you strive/cling, you are acting out of fear as mentioned.
It might not feel like fear sometimes but this can be deceiving. Give it some thought and analyse what is truly driving you to strive or cling e.g, never wanting that good feeling to leave you, or striving to get that promotion for money or status, etc.

Striving and clinging, “closes”(heart)oneself off to a world of abundance and what is already available. Not too mention you will now see life through eyes of fear and desperation, which we all know is not a good place to be in to make sound decisions. We do truly see a world through our own “lenses” and not being centred and striving or clinging places us off balance.

One might argue, that sometimes you are forced to “act” or one needs to “take action” and change the situation…This is not easy to answer and the situation will determine what action needs to be taken in the present moment but just be aware of what is driving you and where it will lead…

We will naturally be drawn and directed according to our strengths and passions by staying open and being present. Giving your full attention to what you are doing now, even if it is a job for example you do not like. By applying yourself presently and at your best will open you to other opportunities, perhaps ones you were not aware of.
You will then carry this positive energy going forward.

Letting go could give you the space you need to think clearly. Again…fear will cloud your judgement – logically speaking for those that relate to this – as you are now not centred and begin acting emotionally. Yes we are emotional beings and we do not fight these emotions but our emotions are very fleeting and subjective, so just be aware of this.

Lets take it a step further and take striving/clinging to the next level – a very anxious level…

The mind in its anxious state, will actively search for solutions(which the brain is hardwired to do). This then places you in a very anxious mind set and anxiety produces more anxious thoughts.

Side Note: I believe, generally speaking, that we are all mostly in a mild state of anxiousness as a standard, if not more, due to our lifestyle and society pressures today, so we also need to be aware of this. But, we don’t have to be caught up in this.

Increased stress and anxiety based on over striving/clinging, will then determine how anxious your thoughts are and how deep and how far you “run” with them. This in turn will determine how long it takes to “snap out of it” or reawaken and become centred once again. You must pay attention to this, as otherwise it just cycles and you end up having your “ups”…and then your “downs”.

Action plan:

Short term plan if stressed or over anxious: Depending on how anxious or “stressful” you are(if acute), the fast track out of there is to stop thinking and “let go” as quickly as possible.
Again, to reiterate – you will not think clearly in this state and being present is the best thing you can do. Thinking is one part of life, not all.

Take a walk, breath, exercise, anything that can break the mindset but remember also not to resist and just “witness” what is going on – you are not your thoughts.

Let go of it all if you have to and just be in the moment. This can be a very freeing moment as we are mostly living in either the past or the future and never really living in the now. I am not encouraging negating responsibility and using “letting go” as an excuse but more so by starting again in the now. Sometimes, however situations that are beyond our control do call for complete surrender.

Long Term Plan: Meditation & mindfulness; awareness; being present; rest in God – practice these gifts and have a little patience.

One also has to remember that we cannot control many things in life, so we need to find balance in that.

I like the analogy of feeding birds – you cannot run after birds to feed them – you need to stay still and centred and wait for them to come to you. You can run and strive to feed them but I think we know what happens there.

Have you ever been focussed and stuck on something for an excruciating long period of time and just not able to make headway? You are then forced to “let it go” for whatever reason, only to come back the next day or after a period of time and cracking it in a minute?

Let go – get perspective – take a step back.

Some might argue, you need to be hungry and grab/take what you can from life but you then need to ask yourself why and where will this truly lead you? If we cannot let go and find relative peace(if not true peace)in the now, then we won’t find it somewhere else or in something else.

This is a very hard pill to swallow, believe me I know but a nice pill to practice swollowing.

Letting go is a statement that says you lack for nothing, “opens” your heart and therefore attracts more abundance – that which we already have.

The Pareto principle I believe can help too, as it states loosely, that 80% of effects comes from 20% of the causes. This can be across many applications. So in effect we worry and stress about 80% of nothing really.

Let Go – “If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it.” Matthew 10:39

This is a beautiful quote which I believe highlights the “letting go” principle  perfectly.

To sum it up as simply as possible: Balance is the key. Striving and clinging is from a place of fear and closes oneself off, not being able to see clearly. Your state of mind and body will signal when you are not in a good space and this is when you need to let go. 

Practice letting go daily and find that balance and you will not need to go to the extremes only to be forced back through stress, illness etc, bringing you back to your natural peace within.

Don’t expect things to change over night – this is how we as a “modern” society, generally speaking, have become conditioned to be. Open your hands and let go and you will receive that which is already your natural inheritance and guide you in the right direction.

Note: Practice these principles. This post should not negate working hard nor encourage just sitting and waiting for things to come to you.

The key is balance. 


Allow these ideas to take root and don’t overthink them.

Enjoy and find peace.